How to Find a Therapist Who Actually Works for You
Therapy can be life-changing, but only if you find a therapist who really connects with you, turning ‘just talking’ into real transformation. Therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience - just as we all have different personalities, communication styles, and preferences, therapists do too. The key to getting the most out of therapy is finding someone who feels like a good fit for you.
It’s completely normal to take some time to find the right therapist. You wouldn’t buy the first house you view without making sure it meets your needs, and therapy is no different. This article will guide you through the process of finding a therapist that suits you, so you can feel comfortable, understood, and supported in your therapeutic journey.
Therapy Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All
People seek therapy for many different reasons, some want support with anxiety or low mood, others want to explore past experiences, and some simply want a space to check in with themselves. Because of this, therapists work in different ways and use different approaches. Here are some of the main types of therapy you might come across:
Person-Centred Therapy - A non-directive approach that places self-exploration and personal growth at its core. The therapist creates a supportive, empathetic space where you are free to explore your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Rather than offering direct advice, the therapist listens deeply and reflects, helping you gain clarity and insight, empowering you to make your own decisions and move forward in your own way. This approach fosters a sense of autonomy and self-discovery, allowing you to build confidence in your own ability to navigate challenges.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – A structured, goal-oriented approach that focuses on changing unhelpful thoughts and behaviours. It’s often used to help people cope with issues like anxiety, depression, and stress in the short term by providing practical tools to manage everyday challenges. While CBT can be effective for addressing current struggles and improving coping strategies, it tends to focus more on the present and may not always explore the deeper underlying causes of emotional difficulties. For some individuals, a more in-depth exploration of past experiences and emotional patterns might be necessary to achieve lasting change.
Psychodynamic Therapy – Explores how unconscious thoughts, past experiences, and early relationships shape your current emotions, behaviours, and relationships. This approach can help to uncover hidden patterns and unresolved conflicts that may be affecting present life. The therapist works with you to bring awareness to these deeper psychological factors, offering insight into how they might be influencing your behaviour. This approach tends to be more long-term and can be particularly helpful for those who are looking to explore the root causes of persistent struggles, such as chronic anxiety, depression, or relationship difficulties.
Integrative Therapy – Combines different approaches depending on your needs. A therapist who practices integrative therapy draws on techniques from approaches such as Person-Centred Therapy, CBT, Psychodynamic Therapy, and others, depending on what will work best for the person’s goals and challenges. This approach recognises that everyone’s experiences and struggles are different, so a single method isn’t always effective. Integrative therapy allows for a more holistic treatment, addressing both the present issues and, when appropriate, exploring deeper underlying causes. It is ideal for those who benefit from a blend of techniques - whether it’s practical tools for immediate concerns or more in-depth exploration of emotional patterns. By being adaptable, integrative therapy can evolve as the client’s needs change, providing a dynamic and personalised therapeutic experience.
Some therapists work in a very structured way, while others provide a more free-flowing, reflective space. Understanding these differences can help you find a therapist who works in a way that feels right for you.
How to Know if a Therapist is a Good Fit for You
A good therapeutic relationship is built on trust and comfort. If you don’t feel at ease with your therapist within the first few sessions, it’s unlikely you’ll get the most out of therapy. Here are some signs that a counsellor is a good fit:
✅ You feel understood and not judged.
✅ You feel comfortable opening up (even if it’s feels daunting at first).
✅ The therapist’s style feels supportive and in tune with your needs.
✅ You leave sessions feeling heard, even if the work is challenging.
✅ The therapist explains their approach in a way that makes sense to you.
On the other hand, if you feel dismissed, misunderstood, or pressured in sessions, it may be a sign that this therapist isn’t the right match - and that’s okay. Therapy should feel like a safe space, not something you endure.
Practical Steps to Finding the Right Therapist
If you’re looking for a therapist but don’t know where to start, here’s a step-by-step guide to help you find the right person:
1. Research Different Therapists
Websites like BACP, Counselling Directory, and Psychology Today allow you to browse therapist profiles. Pay attention to:
Their areas of expertise (e.g., anxiety, trauma, relationships).
Their therapeutic approach (look for descriptions that resonate with you).
A link to their website for more information.
Their location or whether they offer online sessions (and on which platforms e.g. Zoom or Teams).
2. Arrange Initial Consultations
Most therapists offer a free or low-cost initial introduction, which can be as simple as a twenty to thirty minute call to give you a chance to hear about how they work. Treat this as an opportunity to assess whether they’re a good fit rather than committing straight away.
3. Ask the Right Questions
In your first conversation, consider asking the therapist some of the following questions:
How would you describe your approach to therapy?
What can I expect from sessions with you?
How do you handle situations where someone feels stuck or resistant in therapy?
What if I don’t know what to say during a session?
There are no wrong questions - this is about making sure you feel comfortable and you like the sound of your therapist’s response.
4. Trust Your Instincts
It’s okay if you don’t feel an immediate connection; some people need a few sessions to settle in. However, if something doesn’t feel quite right, listen to that feeling. Therapy should be a space where you feel safe, heard, and able to explore your thoughts without hesitation.
Finding the Right Fit Can Take Time - But it’s worth it!
It’s completely normal to try more than one therapist before finding the right one. If you don’t click with the first person you see, it doesn’t mean therapy won’t work for you, it just means you haven’t found the right match yet.
Choosing a therapist is a personal decision, and it’s worth taking the time to find someone who makes you feel comfortable and supported. When you do, therapy can become a powerful tool for growth, self-awareness, and lasting change.
If you’re considering therapy but have been hesitant because you don’t know where to start, let this be your sign to take that first step. The right therapist is out there, you just need to find them.
